Lately I’ve been questioning my future, I try to imagine it and nothing comes to mind. I don’t know what’s been going on with me. I feel like I’ve lost a shit load of ambition to succeed and I’ve been questioning my major in college. I feel like it may not be what I thought would benefit me in achieving my goal; which is to become the owner of my own clothing store/boutique. And out of all the classes that I have taken I found Economics to be the only useful class in providing some knowledge relevant to my goal. My reactions to all of my other classes are priceless though, Math: “How can finding the slope of this fucking line help me with my career?”, English: “How the fuck does knowing the play Othello help me with my career?”, Accounting: “What the fuck? I don’t care about the depreciating value of a car Louis bought for his business! I’ll hire someone to figure out shit like this for me!”, Freshman seminar: “Ehh, this class is cool.” But I don’t know, maybe I just need to research more about my career and find out what other majors besides Marketing can help me learn how to patent and sell a product (preferably clothing).  

Dear Giavanni Shane Farley

These past weeks have slowly but surely molded me into a happier, less stressed person. Truthfully, when we first met I had absolutely no idea I would grow to feel this way about you. You’re the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep, and you’re the first thing on my mind when I wake. Everyone I know is aware of your existence and how happy you make me. They all tell me how lucky I am to have someone like you in my life, and I’m thankful for you being in my life every single day.

Whenever I think of you my heart races and it’s difficult to feel anything other than pure joy. I smile through every text message sent and received between us. I still remain clueless about how you do it. But things like that fuel my ambition to become the perfect boyfriend. I plan on complementing you every chance I get, I plan on being there for you whenever you need me, I plan on supporting you in whatever you may need me to support you with, pretty much I plan on treating you exactly how you deserve to be treated, and that’s nothing less than a queen. 

I know you’ve had some horrible relationships in the past; I’ve had my fair share of those as well. I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about any of that stuff happening EVER again. I understand you’ve been through a lot, just remember you’re with me now, I can promise you that you won’t have to worry about a thing. I promise to always attempt to keep a smile on your face and only make you shed tears of joy.

You are everything I can ever ask for in a girlfriend. You’re beautiful, multi-talented, intelligent, fashionable, and determined to succeed. I love your smile, I love your eyes, I love your voice, I love your personality, and I love the little things you do. Like your “Kung Fu panda”, your soft voice, your reactions when I complement you, and many other things. They all contribute towards my recent happiness and stress-less days. I appreciate you for what you’ve done for me.

I don’t think anything will ever tear us apart, because for the first time in my life I feel that I’m with someone who I trust 100%. As if I don’t have to worry about the person I’m with doing anything to force us to split. I remember you once told me that you want to grow old with me; I hope that statement still stands, because as time passes my belief of that statement coming true grows.

Sincerely, Darien :)

I am whatever I choose to be, I love doing things that can help me express my emotions, since most of the time people tell me they cannot tell how I feel through my facial expressions or body language. Expressing myself in various forms of art helps me communicate with others in a way I cannot physically do. So I consider myself being a graphic designer, photographer, producer, and a poet in order to mentally and emotionally connect with people. One thing that few people know about me is that I am a deep thinker. I frequently blog about topics that seem to be relevant in our everyday lives such as life and love, I opinionate these topics to stimulate the minds of the readers and they are often able to relate or they may have a different opinion.

One of my latest blog entries is about our society, and which was inspired after watching a movie directed by John Singleton named “Higher Learning”. Although it took place at Columbus University in 1995, the message that the movie gives to the viewer sadly still relates to our lives today, no matter where you live, what background you belong to, what religion you practice, or what culture you follow. The message that the movie give to the viewer is about how our society as a whole, as in across the world is corrupt. Higher Learning uses the example of racism and implies that life is nothing but a game of chess. We are all ponds, we are all small and seem to be useless but we are capable of obtaining a higher status in society. Meanwhile the “the man” is the more important pieces to the game; they have more power and are able to determine the end of a game. Meaning we don’t live how we want to live, we live how the “the man” want us to live. You want proof? Here’s an example; Money. Money rules the world. Now how can small pieces of colored paper rule the world you may ask, well we all need money to survive, you need money for food, for shelter, for clothing, basically for the essentials you need to survive and more. But why is it that we need Money to obtain those essentials that we need to survive? Why can’t everyone just receive those essentials? The reason is because that is the way the “the man” want us to live. Even though today racism is weaker physically, it is stronger mentally, and even though “slavery” is over, we are all still slaves. Slaves to society, our minds, bodies, and souls are enslaved, and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you’ll make your move as a pond to escape the game of the life that our society has planned for us to live.

Another recent entry is about my love life. Someone asked me why am I single? So I decided to answer their question with an entire post saying “I believe I’m single because I choose to be single. I’m very picky when it comes to whom I choose to be in a relationship with. I mean, I wouldn’t say that I have high standards; I would consider them to be qualifications. As in things that I want in a girl, and if you don’t have them I’m not into you. Like I love women that have ambition, who’s driven to succeed, I love women with a sense of style, like if were walking somewhere together I want people to say to themselves “they look like they should be together”, and that’s straight off of the way we dress. I love women with great taste in music, so if I sing a line from a song, I expect you to know the next line. Basically I’m into personality, and if you don’t have that were not going anywhere, point blank. The girls anyone would typically see me go for are the fly girls, girls that wear high heels and blazers to class, but has a mean Jordan collection. Or a girl with incredible knowledge about something that I’m passionate about, like Music, Fashion, or Basketball. So to sum this all up, I’m single because I have yet to find a female that meets my qualifications.”

I blog in order to grasp my thoughts, emotions, dreams and aspirations. My dream is to become the CEO of my own company, and majoring in Business management/Marketing will provide me with the tools needed for me to obtain my dream. Becoming a Business management/Marketing major here at Mercy College has been the wisest decision I have ever made to invest in my future. I plan on owning a small clothing business, and then with great advertisement eventually expand my small business into a full blown franchise. I’ve been told running a business is all about taking great risks for even greater rewards, and every day I become more ambitious to do what I have to do in order to get that great reward.

So I just got finished watching higher learning, directed by john singleton, this movie is hands down the most powerful movie I have ever seen. Although it took place at Columbus university in 1995, the message that the movie gives to the viewer sadly still relates to our lives today, no matter where you live, what background you belong to, what religion you practice, or what culture you follow. The message that the movie give to the viewer is about how our society as a whole, as in across the world is corrupt. Higher Learning uses the example of racism and implies that life is nothing but a game of chess. We are all ponds, we are all small and seem to be useless but we are capable of obtaining a higher status in society. Meanwhile the white men are the more important pieces to the game, they have more power and are able to determine the end of a game. Meaning we don’t live how we want to live, we live how the white men want us to live. You want proof? Here’s an example; Money. Money rules the world. Now how can small pieces of colored paper rule the world you may ask, well we all need money to survive, you need money for food, for shelter, for clothing, basically for the essentials you need to survive and more. But why is it that we need Money to obtain those essentials that we need to survive? Why can’t everyone just receive those essentials? The reason is because that is the way the white men want us to live. Now I say white men because of the fact that white men typically get everything they want. Also due to the fact that my African American ancestors had been they’re under they’re control for 439 years, and even though “slavery” is over, we are all still slaves. Slaves to society, our minds, bodies, and souls are enslaved, and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you’ll make your move as a pond to escape the game of the life that our society has planned for us to live.

So I’ve been having some little altercations with my family lately and all of them have been about what I don’t do, or what I didn’t do or what I shouldn’t do, basically all opinionated shit. I have no problem with people voicing their opinions but this is getting out of hand. My Uncle is the best at working my nerves, I love him and I appreciate everything he has done in my life to help me succeed but this Guy pisses me the fuck off. He always starts by complaining about something negative that I did or did not do. But i have never heard him be happy and complement me for the positive things I do or have done. Its always “You don’t do this”, or “You don’t do that”, how about you try doing what the fuck I have done! And my mom being the dick rider she is sometimes joins him in his fuckery and complains along with him instead of standing up for me. But little does she know that when he complains about her, I defend her, even if she deserves it. I just wish that I got more recognition for my success than my failure.

I believe I’m single because I choose to be single. I’m very picky when it comes to whom I choose to be in a relationship with. I mean, I wouldn’t say that I have high standards, I would consider them to be qualifications. As in things that I want in a girl, and if you don’t have them I’m not into you. Like I love women that have ambition, who’s driven to succeed, I love women with a sense of style, like if were walking somewhere together I want people to say to themselves “they look like they should be together”, and that’s straight off of the way we dress. I love women with great taste in music, so if I sing a line from a song, I expect you to know the next line. Basically I’m into personality, and if you don’t have that were not going anywhere, point blank. The girls anyone would typically see me go for are the fly girls, girls that wear high heels and a blazers to class, but has a mean Jordan collection. Or a girl with incredible knowledge about something that I’m passionate about, like Music, Fashion, or Basketball. So to sum this all up, I’m single because I have yet to find a female that meets my qualifications.

It’s really sad to see how niggas really don’t wanna see other niggas succeed. I’m from the hood, so I feel like we all had the same opportunities to make something of ourselves, to do something with our lives other than to be the typical stereotype of a African American from the hood. Its sad because now I open my eyes and look at the population of my generation and I see such a small percentage of people trying to make something of themselves, while others just fall into the stereotypes. But the thing that makes me mad the most is that the people that have fallen into the stereotypes are constantly getting in the way of those for trying to succeed. I mean I just don’t understand, the fact that we’re all living in the hood means that we are all struggling. So what gives you the right to harass those who are trying to make it out and put an end to the struggle? You should encourage them, because they can possibly hold the key to your future. I’m a prime example of this, my plan is to manage my own business along with the proper education to make it out of the Hood, and from then on create programs to aid kids like myself, kids who don’t wanna be apart of the bullshit that living in the Hood brings, the kids who know that this Hood shit is not for them and rather make something of themselves. But its difficult to accomplish your dreams when there’s those who have fallen into the typical African American from the hood stereotypes getting in your way. I just don’t understand, if its not jealousy what can it be? Why would you not wanna see someone succeed that wants to see you succeed? It just doesn’t add up, and I’m sick of it.

So this may be a little TMI but fuck it, I was on the phone with my friend Lilo and she was talking about dudes eating the box. And I told her I never did it but I think I will one day. She encouraged me to learn because there are a lot of guys that don’t do it right. So I googled how to eat pussy and found a video that was really informative. So I took notes and I wanna practice. So I just might hit up one of my ex’s or a friend that wouldn’t mind me practicing on them. I need someone that I can trust and someone that’s comfortable with not only me doing it but that’s comfortable with their body. Sounds like a good idea to me.

So I come into 2012 beyond sober, pissed at basically EVERY female in my contacts, and to the depressed stage of disappointment. Doesn’t that sound terrific!? The entire day of new years Eve I’ve been let down because of ppl shooting down my hopes of having a good ass night / intro to the new year. Originally there were supposed to be 12 people coming to my crib to chill, drink, eat pizza, and have fun. Why did only 4 people come? I mean i atleast wanted 6 people, 3 guys including myself and 3 girls to accompany the guys. But NOOOOOO everybody flakes on me and doesn’t even tell me. There were a few people who actually had the decency to call and tell me they can’t make it. But other ppl relied on leaving me with false hope and not showing at all. For those people who had the common sense to call and let me know, I appreciate it. But the others who did not, F U C K Y O U! I want absolutely nothing to do with you for a while. This whole reign of disappointment began in the morning when the only girl I was seriously excited to see told me that she MIGHT be able to come now. After that more people started flopping, so I had to work my ass off and envite a whole new group of people who also left me with false hopes and never showed as well. So when my get together began there was 3 boxes of pizza, Money for liquor and my bro Fresco and I on the couch bored and disappointed. So all the people who used the “My mom/dad/aunt/uncle/grandma/grandpa wont let me go because they said its dangerous” excuse FUCK YOU! your completely irrelevant to my life right about now and I can care less about your feelings if you read this. Happy fucking new years! Enjoy yourself, because frankly I didn’t.

So i have an interview at Express today and here’s some questions i think they might ask me and the answers to them.

• Why do you want to work at Express?

• I would like to work at express because i like the cloths, i like the service i receive when i do shop here and i feel like i can be great at giving customers the service they need.

• What are your strengths?

• My strengths are being persuasive and friendly.

• What are your weaknesses?

• My weakness would be my need for customer satasfaction. I consider this being my weakness because it can be very time consuming.

Ex.) If a.customer comes into the store and they are looking for a certain sweater in a certain color and we may be sold out, i would do everything in my power to make sure they get that sweater even if i have to refer them to another store.

• Tell us about yourself

• I am modest, humble and outspoken but ambitious, active and friendly.

• What is your level of experience working for retail?

• I don’t have much retail experience but i do know how to sell a product. Selling something all depends on your knowledge about the product, and having the confidence to persuade the customer into realizing that your product is better than your competitors.